I can't see in the dark

Ugh, It is so hard for me to write in this thing. I hate talking about myself and I am a very internalized thinker and analyzer so writing out my thoughts and feelings and even thinking about doing this kills me. So I am sorry for not writing in here for a long long time but it might be the biggest challenge I face right now haha.

My life is wonderful here and I can't imagine living in a more beautiful place. Getting to see these mountains everyday just makes me smile and thank God for placing me in such a beautiful place. The view from my school is so amazing sometimes I just find myself staring at the mountains and asking how I got so lucky to be in such an amazing place. And while I am so happy to be here and know that this is where I am meant to be for now, I can't help but feel like I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. Like I'm not reaching the people I need to be reaching. This is such a challenge for me because I know teaching at Highlands is my stepping stone to whatever is next but being patient and waiting for that is so hard.

Teaching is well ok, I know that the first year is supposed to be really challenging and hard so I'm just hoping next year I will really start to love it. I like my students for the most part, a few of them I would like to stick in a corner but that's kids and you will always have a few that drive your crazy. The kids are great but most of them come from very wealthy families. And working with them is great for now for me because I need to learn the language and the culture but I know that I can't do this forever. I want to reach the poor of Bolivia and really impact them eventually.

I got to work with these children that some other teachers at my school call the river kids. They go every Sunday to spend time with the kids. They live in a town called Irpavi and in an area surrounded by huge houses and wealthy people. Right behind these huge houses and giant gates to keep people out are shacks and homes that couldn't possibly keep these families warm in the cold nights here in La Paz. Just walking though their little village and seeing how they lived broke my heart. These children have nothing but yet seemed so happy and content with life. They were so happy to see us and thankful that we came to see them. I wish I could show some of my students these children because I don't think they really understand how great their lives really are. We played games with them and read stories to them and just spent time with them showing them love that they probably don't get from home. We spent only 2 hours with these children who I could hardly speak any Spanish to and I felt more attached to them than I do to my students I spend every day with. That is where I'm supposed to be, that is where my heart is. Being patient and waiting for that next step is the challenge.